it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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