Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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