I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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