do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
