I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
