yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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