so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
