The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
