How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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