god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
