you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
