I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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