I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
