No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
