I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
