I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
