Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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