look no pants
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
