im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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