I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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