How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
