it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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