They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
