well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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