I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
