first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
