I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
