Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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