im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
