At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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