so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
its liver damage thursday
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