I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize