I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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