She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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