she was so not down for the gang bang
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
