he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
