FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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