We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Randomize
