Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
