he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
