shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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