i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
