It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i barfeds in our rink
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
