Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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