Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I love having hate sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
