dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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