He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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