No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
