Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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