either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
