im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
