Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
