the day after is always just damage control
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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