You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
