you didnt know i had herpes?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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