I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
