i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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