That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
