why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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