would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
